Tradition

1. What did you do in 2012 that you'd never done before?
-Embarked on a trip with no definitive plans, spent over 20 hours in a Disney park, spent more than three months with a license but no car, spent the night outside, attended a movie premiere, drank a mimosa, took Beth on a plane, had an entire row to myself on an international flight, ate at a traditional Thai restaurant, spent more than 8 hours at the cinema in a single day, spent more than $20 on a single tube of lipstick.
2. Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
- I attempted. I am on schedule to complete the 365 miles one, and taking a picture every day, but I've only watched 146 movies and read 39 books. =/ I don't know what my goals will be for 2013.
3. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
- Direction.
4. What date from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
- Feb 29th: I spent alllllll day at a Disney park. (the only day in 2012 that I was at a Disney park =/)
- March 13th: The Hunger Games premiere. Lets go ahead and include the 12th as well.
- October 31st: Finished my second novel.
- Dec 5th: Les Miserables premiere. Again, we can go ahead and lump in the 4th, too.5. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder?
-mehhricher or poorer?
-richer 
6. What was your favorite TV program?
-Gossip Girl AUUGHH such an obsession!! & The Inbetweeners, and Modern Family.
7. What was your greatest musical discovery?
-I really only listened to Hudson Taylor, Mumford & Sons, Nina Nesbitt, and Gabrielle Aplin.
8. What was your favorite film(s) of this year?
-Paper Man, The Descendants, Midnight in Paris, The Avengers, Never Let Me Go, Tales From The Script, 21 Jump Street, Love & Other Disasters, Whats Your Number, The Black Balloon, Atonement, The Beginners, What To Expect When You're Expecting, The Amazing Spiderman, Les Miserables.  
9. What were your favorite books of this year?
- The Percy Jackson series, Oscar Winning Screenwriters on Screenwriting, The Gun Seller, Wintergirls, Revenge, Visible Man, In A Sunburned Country, 5:45 to Cannes, The Fault In Our Stars, Delirium, Breakfast At Tiffanys.
10. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
-"No Cares Were Given". I became pretty label conscious but I really didn't care much for how those labels compliment each other. 
11. Who was the best new person you befriended?
- All my premiere buddies!! & all the lovely ladies at my new job.

Last Night

Engines roar; we pick up speed. The shutter is open but it's too dark to see much more than the distant twinkling lights of the city. The opening chords of 'Come Fly With Me' play faintly in the background. The disembodied lights blur as we go faster and faster. There's a collective gasp as the jolts in our guts tell us we're in the air now; climbing higher and higher until the airport disappears beneath a layer of thin gray clouds. A magazine ruffles beside me. I look over as Beth unveils her face to whisper:  

 "I like cars. On the ground."

Top Ten Quotes

01.     You’ve got to jump off the cliff and build your wings on the way down. – Ray Bradbury

RIP Bradbury

02.     Live slow, die whenever.

I was actually shown a tattoo of a sloth with this text written on ribbons beneath it. It holds true.

03.     Here Be Dragons

I can't even remember where I heard this, but it references the end of old maps where the land was unknown. I doubt they actually used these on old maps, but to me it symbolizes the unknown and the risks people took to discover them.

04.     History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it. – Winston Churchill

Speaks for itself.

05.     If you’re twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel – as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on floors if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them – whereever you go. – Anothony Bourdain

Sometimes, when I'm travelling alone in exotic countries, I wish I was Anothony Bourdain. The man has class when travelling.

06.     The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat. - Theodore Roosevelt

It irks me a bit that the first time I ever heard this quote was due to Miley Cyrus getting a portion of it tattooed on her arm. I just find it to be so much better than "Aim for the moon..." and the other popular cliches, for I do not want to be a cold and timid soul.

07.     You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.

I can't remember who wrote this originally. It may very well have been the person who wrote, 'We Bought a Zoo'. But then, the screenwriter or the author? The world may never know. Anyway, it's one of those to be used sparingly, lest the message become desensitized.

08.      They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting. - John Green, Looking for Alaska

I aim to love my hair and interesting things equally. I'm over the stigma of girls being either pretty or smart. It's so degrading when a candid photo of a model appears in a mazagine reading a book, as though it's big news. Those eyes aren't just for flirting, folks.

09.      There was truth and there was untruth, and if you clung to the truth even against the whole world, you were not mad. - George Orwell, 1984

In my youth I was quite a 'stick to my guns' type. I'm afraid over the years I've been lulled into a state of compliance. Only rattle the cage when necessary and other junk like that.

10.      Death and destruction are at our shoulders ever second of our lives, trying to get at us. Missing, a lot of the time. A lot of miles on the motorway without a front-wheel blow out. A lot of viruses that slither through our bodies without snagging. A lot of pianos that fall a minute after we've passed. Or a month, it makes no difference. So unless we're going to get down on our knees and give thanks everytime disaster misses, it makes no sense to moan when it strikes. - Hugh Laurie, The Gun Seller

This whole book is a work of art. It just makes sense.

Temporary

Have you ever wanted to go back to your childhood house and visit? See what they’ve done with the place, see how things have changed? Going back to work feels the same as what I assume that must be like. I’m only filling in so it’s quite like I’m just travelling through. Today is the first day I’ve been at the desk I used to call my own – well, for thirty hours out of the week. Answering the phones has been so deeply imbedded into my subconcous that most often I don’t even realize I’ve picked up the phone. I still remember a lot of the menial work, but something has changed. There’s been a shift in the air that makes everything just slightly different. Before I left I had my own account on the computer; the wallpaper being a picture I took of Australia. Since then that computer has been removed and with it every technological trace that I was ever here. The desk still lingers with bits of me: the compartmentalized office supply drawer, my handwriting on a folder or two, my typed phone list. With time, however, the drawer has become cramped, the file buried beneath it’s brothers, and the phone list is tattered and torn. Without getting too philisophical about how this metiphorically represents our lives here on earth / how we’re all just dust in the wind, etc. etc., it does have a way of making one feel quite…temporary.

Time

I've been faced recently with my own mortality. I'm not afraid of wrinkles and liver spots, I'm just incredibly nervous about the whole thing. 

Up until this year I was pretty certain I would die during this, my twenty first, year. The option is still highly plausible, but it's different to fear something in the future than to fear the immediacy of life. So it has been replaced with the simple expectation of middle age and up. I have always loved the idea of being one of those Grandmas that dresses up all the time and only eats Werther's Originals. The idea of my organs giving out on me and obtaining that 'old person' smell, and loss of vision and hearing and all of that is bone chilling. 

You think, maybe, that I should take up a rigorous diet and exercise regiment that should carry me through into my golden years, but I won't. Slow death in that regard is inevitable and a part of me pities those that think they can impede it. 

I was showing Allison pictures of my parents when they were her age, and she was blown away that Nana and Papa were once as little as her gang of friends. It dawned on me that one day she will be a Nana to some adorable girl or boy and I will be incredibly old. And will I have children or a successful career? Will I look back on my twenties as a time of sowing or a time of careless lollygagging? 

And if I do indeed die this year, what will become of my memory?

Travel Blog!

Yeah, yeah so I didn't finish BEDA. Whatever - there's always August!

In other news I made a travel blog this past weekend that I will quickly begin to fill up with my past adventures and plans for the future. I'm super excited about it.

Without A Starbucks

Go check it out!

In the Kitchen

I haven't been on recently because I've been spending all my time in the kitchen. Jokes may begin... NOW.

If you don't want me to cook, don't put a Betty Crocker cookbook in my eyesight.

Made an apple pie all unorthodox.

Based on this blog post I decided to make Alplermagronen, a popular Swiss macaroni and cheese-like dish.

And it was so unexpectedly delicious.

Home

Video by Marionhoney 

This is home / Now I'm finding where I belong
(where I belong) / Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it / Yeah this is home

- Home: Switchfoot

I almost cry when I watch this video. This girl was in London for a semester for a study abroad program. This is her final day in London. 

I so greatly miss that female voice on the Tube station. I really miss walking through Hyde Park and Pret A Manger sandwiches. I especially miss the Starbucks just off Kensington High Street. And the really nice barista across from Sloane Square station. And St. James Park. Walking around Notting Hill at night. The pretty cars. Apple flavored Shapers water from Boots. Galaxy bars mmmm.

I want to go home.

Death

Last night Mom, Sharaya and I saw Titanic at the cinema. The 3D imagery really was fantastic - during both the underwater scenes and the sinking scenes, it really felt like I was apart of it. It helped that the air conditioning was on full blast as well.

After they hit the iceberg I was overcome with the idea of death. I'm terrified of death. Not as much of dying. More so, I'm terrified of the end. I don't think I'm old enough to die yet. Still, I had this overwhelming fear that someone was going to pop into the room with a gun and randomly shoot us down. Or maybe we would get into a hideous car accident when we drove home. Honestly I've been having those thoughts a lot lately. Like every time I leave the house.

So I'm quite certain I would never have survived those crucial last hours on that ship. There's the luck that I'm a female and thus would have a higher chance of getting on the life boats, but lets be honest: I would not be holding a first class ticket. I'd have second at best. There is the fact that people tend to take pity on me when I travel alone and thus am extended beyond my fair share of common curtesy, but I can't help think that that sort of gesture sort of goes out the window when life is at stake. 

So I began to meditate on how I would die, had I been on the ship. I'm not brave enough to succumb to death. The look in Captain and Mr. Andrews's eyes was such resignation. And really, there was nothing they could do. Of course I feel terrible for Mr. Andrews who told everyone that the extra lifeboats were needed, and now he was suffering for his peers' stupidity. I can't imagine that. I could never make the conscious decision to drown. I don't think I could jump or shoot myself either. I know a bullet to the head would be quickest, but I don't know if I could pull the trigger myself. Theres some gigantic character flaw in me that gives me ridiculous, unwarranted hope that something will save me. The ship would miraculously stay afloat or a life boat would materialize out of thin air. I strongly believe living is always the better option. I just don't have what it takes to die.

Universal Studios

Here - look at these or something.

Dr. Seuss World

     Marvel World     

 Cartoon World

Old

Being "an adult" really sucks sometimes. My conscious won't leave me alone regarding the childish nature of my current goal. Still, I don't want to give it up.

I think I like traveling so much for escapism purposes. When I'm in another country I don't have to worry about what I'm doing with my life because what I'm currently doing is pretty awesome. When I'm at home my future is staring me in the face. It is so big and so loud I just don't know what to do with it.

Trapped

I feel like all the books I've taken to reading recently are intentionally reminding me how stuck in the US I am. For the past two years I've cycled between earning money and going on trips. Now I'm not doing either. The book I'm currently reading was written while the American author was living in Paris for several months. I watched Midnight in Paris recently that revolved around an American tourist in Paris.

Now, I fully remember not finding Paris all that interesting. I'm not even really pining to return to Paris. I am yearning to return to France, though. I still vividly remember sitting on the balcony of my hotel room in Nice and watching the crowds go by. Well, at 4AM they weren't crowds as much as couples and small groups migrating from bars to their apartments and back. Between 2-3AM there was a man with a guitar just sitting on the sidewalk.

And the architecture. Oh, the architecture. When making my way from the Cannes train station to the beach I wound my way through the tiny streets. Cafes had packed tables outside, party attendees were overflowing onto the cobblestone. It was so idyllic even at 10PM during the city's busiest week of the year. And then, of course, there's the beach.

I so desperately want to live in a small village in Southern France or Northern Italy (or Tuscany). Occasionally a scene pops into my head: I'm wearing a sundress, riding a bicycle with a basket into the town square. I wave at the florist and buy my food from the weekly market. I live in a small cottage with my dog and write some of the best books of my generation. 

I don't understand 'writer's block' in a place like this.

Wizarding World of Harry Potter

I'm a fresh Potter fan. I only started watching the movies a few years ago and read the books just last year. Still, the thought of going to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter made me as excited as those lifetime fans. Plus, being in Orlando leaves loads and loads of advertisements crammed down your throat to visit every park within a fifty mile radius.

The thing is, this is Universal Studios. You have to walk through the entire park before reaching Hogsmeade. The day I went, there were droves of people and we were all headed for the exact same place. 

It is the weirdest experience to walk through a gateway to a magical land that you know. I knew exactly what sort of things I would find in Honeydukes and Zonkos. I knew that I could sit in Hogs Head when I got tired. I'd never been there before and yet I had. 

Hagrid's hut.

I again was faced with the decision to be brave. Roller coasters that have 360 degree turns and corkscrews and all that terrify me. The only one I've been on was in Paris and gave me a concussion. There is such a roller coaster in the Wizarding World. I agreed that if I went on it I would reward myself with Butterbeer. If I chickened out, the Butterbeer would be taken away. I get schizophrenic when I spend a long time alone.

Of course I didn't chicken out. My entire upper body went numb, though. 

"Whether you come back by page or by the big screen [or by the park], Hogwarts will always be there to welcome you home" - J.K Rowling

Laughter

In a book I just finished, Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman, he mentioned that during the year he lived in Germany he realized how often Americans needlessly 'laugh'. The anecdote he used was a trip to the super market. He was paying for his items and the cashier asked if he had exact change. He searched his pockets, chuckled nervously, and said "No, sorry." The Germany cashier didn't chuckle in response. Didn't even smile.

       This anecdote was his segue into illustrating why laugh tracks have destroyed America's sense of humor. The laugh track has been employed in so many sitcoms, alerting us when a joke is being said and when we ought to laugh. Newer comedies like The Office, Arrested Development, Parks and Recreation and several others don't use laugh tracks. They make the audience subconsciously feel that we're intelligent enough to decide when something is funny and when it isn't.

      Since reading his essay I've noticed more and more when Americans laugh for no reason. Telling someone something slightly unfortunate, trying to lighten an awkward situation, sometimes simply to be polite. Klosterman pointed out that in Germany, those he met don't even pity laugh. They belly laugh when things are funny and don't even consider chuckling when they're not. It's made me evaluate my life and how often I pity giggle and end texts inappropriately with "hahahaha". I've actually consciously decided when not to laugh in certain situations. Of course that makes for some genuinely uncomfortable situations, but it almost makes me feel more sure. Instead of texting [or saying] "We should go see a movie?! hahaha" I text [ say] "We should go see a movie." All business on the table. No beating around the bush. The way it should be.

Seattle

Today Sharaya, Allie and I went to Downtown Seattle! We started off the day at the Children's Museum!

Allie had a lot of fun! But we were getting hungry so we took the monorail to the Cheesecake Factory.

We told Allie we were going to have cake, so she got SUPER excited and kept saying "CAKE-CAKE!!" Potentially she thought it was a cupcake. We may never know.

Allie was playing with the lid of her cup and started sticking her finger into the straw slot. Eventually she started freaking out until we realized it was stuck! Sharaya pulled it out and noticed a small cut. =[

I just love that in the first picture Allie has a sad face and Sharaya is calm. In this one it's the opposite. Adorable.

We ended the adventure riding the monorail back to the car, where she fell asleep seemingly instantly. 

Midnight in Paris.

This morning I finally convinced myself to watch Midnight in Paris - directed by Woody Allen, starring Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates, Tom Hiddleson, Allison Pill, etc.

This was one of those movies that people don't stop gushing about, so naturally I avoided it at all costs. I'm actually really glad I waited until now to see it. It was really something I need to see right now, and had I seen it a month ago I really wouldn't have taken to it in the same way.

I get pretty skeptic with movies that casually suggest time travel - especially when the characters meddle in the past. The was my one main bugaboo: Gil, the main character, pitches a movie idea to a director he knows will make that movie in the future. That was the only caveat, thank goodness. He didn't become the protagonist for a Hemingway novel or anything.

It was just so beautifully done. I know I'm being vague here, so let me try to summarize: Gil is on vacation in Paris with his fiance and her 'Ugly American' parents. He's in love with Paris and they can't wait to leave. He spends his evenings wandering the city by his lonesome when he gets lost. An old car pulls up at exactly midnight and whisks him off to Paris in the 20s - where he meets the Fitzgeralds, Mr. Hemingway, Gertrude Stein, Salvador Dali, Picasso, and more.

It's a refreshing film because it really does highlight the best of Paris - making me feel guilty for spending so little time there, to be honest. Two hours did not properly suffice. Maybe because it mainly took place at night, it made Paris magical. Truly alluring.

Near the end of the film Gil verbalized a stark realization only moments after I had discovered it: the present, to any given person, is never The Golden Age. It wasn't in the 20s to the Picassos and it isn't to us in the 2010s because this is the present and the present is always dull because it isn't done yet. It was just...it was the perfect ending because it wasn't perfect, but it was the best Gil could do. He was in sort of a glum situation and he did what he could to right it. Sometimes that's all that can be done.

Typical Chazz

Today I spent the day with Allison! 

For some reason whenever she is here I just can't stay in the house. Last week we walked to the park, and the week before that we went shopping. I think. Anyway I always manage to get us out of the house. Today we went to the mall to 'play in the water'. We also just had to stop in the Disney store and play with friends in the play area.

And then, after a long nap, she harassed her dolls to death.

What a fun day! 

BORED.

1. What’s your zombie apocalypse survival plan?

- Climb a high tree or something. Or trick them into thinking I'm one of them. I'm not up on the zombie knowledge so I don't really know they're typical attack methods.

2. What was the first book or movie that changed your outlook on life?

- I don't care what you think, it was The Hunger Games. Well, or maybe Walk Two Moons. I read that when I was 9 and it was the first time I became aware that death is common and natural and it was possible for kids my age to feel emotions and understand certain circumstances beyond their expected capacity. 

3. Any music from your early teens you’re embarrassed you listened to now?
- T-Pain.

4. What is the biggest non-traumatic trouble you’ve gotten into?
- One night in October a friend of mine and I decided to super glue mustaches to our faces and drive to Portland for donuts overnight. That's the first time I've ever been grounded. 

5. Do you love my beard?
- Always.

6. Best/worst Halloween?
- Best: last Halloween? If I remember correctly we had a movie night at Sharaya and Ryan's.

- Worst: I was grounded so it was boring.

7. What, if anything, is worth dying for?
- Jesus. Loved ones. Values, morals, a belief system. 

8. What’s your dream job?
- I honestly want to do a lot of things. I feel like maybe I haven't dipped my toes in enough pools. I'd like to be a preschool teacher, act in a movie or two, be a legitimate author, pilot a plane, work at a magazine, get a PhD. I don't know if I will be able to settle into a single occupation. Ever.

9. Dream vacation location?
- Thailand, the Bahamas, the Seychelles, Mauritius, Madagascar, Nice, Monaco, the Cinque Terre in Italy. It would be a long vacation.

10. What tattoo do you think a drunk you would get that sober you would regret?

- Anything I've casually considered. A black ink Cheshire cat smile, a white ink Neverland, 'Fickle' in script, 'Every Journey Matters', 'Unleash Hell'...wait, no I think 'Unleash Hell' would be the biggest bummer, despite my love of Wonder Woman.

Competition

A trait I'm starting to notice lately is how competitive I am. Being as I've gone my whole life until now thinking I didn't have a competitive gene in my body, I'm realizing how strong it actually is.

Theres the thing in May that - literally, if I don't do it "this time" in May the opportunity will never come around again. This isn't even me being dramatic. This is me being logical. Even if the chance does come back around in five or ten years I will be too old. It's now or never in an entirely literal sense. And I am extremely competitive about it. I know I'm not the only one who wants it, but I know I'm the one who should get it. Now I just have to convince everyone else.

Trying to get my book published? For some reason that's brought out a competitive nature in me. A different kind, sort of. Everyone my age is writing a novel. It's a surprise it's an accomplishment to complete it. Or maybe it is an accomplishment because no one actually finishes theirs. Whatever. There are a few people I know (my sister excluded) who are writing novels and I wanted to be the first to finish. I have. Now I want to be the first to be published. That's in the works.

My competitive gene seems underdeveloped - probably because of all the faux paux that comes with being competitive with people with disabilities. So growing up, where most kids were taught to compete with one another (or maybe that comes normally) it was discouraged in our household. And it makes sense.

But now I want to be the first female president on the moon.

Options

It's a close call today, guys. Only 19 more minutes left on Easter Sunday, April 8th 2012.

From the ashes of my life has risen three brand new paths. Well, one of them isn't really 'brand new'. I've been 'working toward' it for a week now. But in essence, in the last week, there are three ultimate paths. Or maybe not. There are three potential paths. Or maybe four. But three important ones. One is the Adult Path, one in the Fun Path, and one is the Irrational Path. Naturally what I want most is the Irrational. So I guess the plan is, I'm just gonna lay all my cards on the table and see what happens. Alright. Here we go.

Generation Narcissism

We're in a horrible, repugnant place now where kids are told it's their right and due to be hugely famous. Not good at their job, not good at anything, just hugely famous. This is not sane. 

- James McAvoy

I'm currently reading a book called The Cult of Celebrity by Cooper Lawrence. I'm often enthralled with the idea of celebrity and how the whole fame machine works. Specifically how it effects us 'simpletons'. I've read quite a few books on the subject (my favorite definitely being A Decade of Curious People and Dangerous Ideas by Chuck Klosterman) but this one seems to focus on an entirely specific topic: how my generation is fixated with stardom. It's not even that we want to be specifically actors or musicians or anything that merits any talent. Our main goal is fame. Now, I'm using 'we' and 'us' loosely. I know we aren't all interested in this field or topic but statistically my generation has the highest percentage of kids turning away from college and vocational school and turning toward vocal lessons and Los Angeles. 

           An interesting point made in this book is that the number of people planning a career in Stardom does not match up with the amount of emerging talent. There are people who will work their entire lives for something that will never happen because they don't have the skills to do it. But they feel like they deserve it. We were raised by a generation that was catered to like no generation before. As a result, an alarming number of Gen Y have a completely unwarranted belief that they deserve everything. There is literally a little snippet in the book directed to parents of Gen Yers, telling them that supporting a child's dream in stardom when the child possess no talent or drive is no longer being supportive. Not at our age.

 I find this terrifying. I'm still under the delusion that I will have a career in the arts. Not necessarily stardom, but in a field that is quite difficult to 'break into'. I worry that I'm one of these narcissistic, talentless children hiding behind a pipe dream as an excuse to stay in the safety and comfort of my parent's home. I feel incredibly childish, but the thought of attempting a career in a different field - being a pilot, or a lawyer or something else terrifies me because not only is that school debt, but it's a set of skills I don't currently have. Also it means I would be a grownup. And thats terrifying. 

Photoshoot

I was dying for a photo shoot session. Yesterday Sharaya and Allie and I went out hunting for cherry blossoms yesterday. The below is what we found.

                  

I Can Do Anything!

“I wonder if our offspring have all decided to give up. They’ll never be senators or owners of a football team; they’ll never be the West Coast president of NBC, the founder of Weight Watchers, the inventor of shopping carts, a prisoner of war, the number one supplier of the world’s macadamia nuts. No, they’ll do coke and smoke pot and take creative writing classes and laugh at us. Perhaps they’ll document our drive, but they’ll never endorse it. I look at both of these girls and see it in their eyes, their pity for us and yet their determination to beat us in their own way, a way they haven’t found yet. I never found a way to beat my rulers.” 

- The Descendants

I frequently fear things like this. I worry that maybe there are too many things to be. I'd love to be a writer. I know this. I can feel it. But if you look at 60% of the rest of my generation, they all seem to think the same. It's like the arts are the place for the lost and desolate and we're pretty much all lost right now.

I've had a theory for awhile that my generation suffers from a Peter Pan complex. We don't want to grow up. So many people my age are staying in college longer, living with their parents longer, trying to attempt things that are otherwise 'impossible' - in other words, trying to forge their way into Stardom. 

I hate making sweeping judgements on a large group of people, but from what I've seen I'm not that far off. I suffer from this same problem. I'm entirely conscious of it, too. 

I'm not going to speak for the rest of my generation, so I personally feel like there's too much out there. I want to be all of the above and I know that's not entirely possible. I've really only focused on writing, moving to London, getting a PhD and thats it. I didn't even consider working for NBC. And here's another generational problem: I feel like I can do all of it. Why can't I? Someone else is going to - why can't that someone be me? 

Ugh I don't want to deal with all this. I'm going back to Tumblr to reblog The Office gifs and obscure quotes.

Staples.

I've been enraptured lately with the individuality that throws itself in your face. I wish I had one of those faces or looks that would allow me to have a staple. People like Mike Tyson or Zoey Deschanel who wander around looking however they please and no one questions it. It's just like there is just a wide spread understanding that certain people get to do whatever they want because they DO it. I can talk about dying my hair all I want, but it doesn't matter until I actually do it.

I admire Adele so much for having this look. It's one of those things that if someone else even attempts a 60s debutante style everyone will immediately accuse her of trying to copy Adele. I view Bruno Mars this same way. 

I can't even rock bangs. Especially not Bardot bangs, which is something I've tried before - trust me. But bangs, nails, clothes aside, there is one look that I'm dying to rock. 

The red hair. I just can't get enough of it. I look at pictures of Zoey or Adele and think, "oh I'd love to rock that look" and then two seconds later I'm totally over it. I really want that red hair though. Sometimes I think, 'Maybe it's not about the red hair. Maybe I just want a staple of my own.' Nope. I just want that red hair.