Time

I've been faced recently with my own mortality. I'm not afraid of wrinkles and liver spots, I'm just incredibly nervous about the whole thing. 

Up until this year I was pretty certain I would die during this, my twenty first, year. The option is still highly plausible, but it's different to fear something in the future than to fear the immediacy of life. So it has been replaced with the simple expectation of middle age and up. I have always loved the idea of being one of those Grandmas that dresses up all the time and only eats Werther's Originals. The idea of my organs giving out on me and obtaining that 'old person' smell, and loss of vision and hearing and all of that is bone chilling. 

You think, maybe, that I should take up a rigorous diet and exercise regiment that should carry me through into my golden years, but I won't. Slow death in that regard is inevitable and a part of me pities those that think they can impede it. 

I was showing Allison pictures of my parents when they were her age, and she was blown away that Nana and Papa were once as little as her gang of friends. It dawned on me that one day she will be a Nana to some adorable girl or boy and I will be incredibly old. And will I have children or a successful career? Will I look back on my twenties as a time of sowing or a time of careless lollygagging? 

And if I do indeed die this year, what will become of my memory?

Travel Blog!

Yeah, yeah so I didn't finish BEDA. Whatever - there's always August!

In other news I made a travel blog this past weekend that I will quickly begin to fill up with my past adventures and plans for the future. I'm super excited about it.

Without A Starbucks

Go check it out!

In the Kitchen

I haven't been on recently because I've been spending all my time in the kitchen. Jokes may begin... NOW.

If you don't want me to cook, don't put a Betty Crocker cookbook in my eyesight.

Made an apple pie all unorthodox.

Based on this blog post I decided to make Alplermagronen, a popular Swiss macaroni and cheese-like dish.

And it was so unexpectedly delicious.

Home

Video by Marionhoney 

This is home / Now I'm finding where I belong
(where I belong) / Yeah, this is home
I've been searching for a place of my own
Now I've found it / Yeah this is home

- Home: Switchfoot

I almost cry when I watch this video. This girl was in London for a semester for a study abroad program. This is her final day in London. 

I so greatly miss that female voice on the Tube station. I really miss walking through Hyde Park and Pret A Manger sandwiches. I especially miss the Starbucks just off Kensington High Street. And the really nice barista across from Sloane Square station. And St. James Park. Walking around Notting Hill at night. The pretty cars. Apple flavored Shapers water from Boots. Galaxy bars mmmm.

I want to go home.

Death

Last night Mom, Sharaya and I saw Titanic at the cinema. The 3D imagery really was fantastic - during both the underwater scenes and the sinking scenes, it really felt like I was apart of it. It helped that the air conditioning was on full blast as well.

After they hit the iceberg I was overcome with the idea of death. I'm terrified of death. Not as much of dying. More so, I'm terrified of the end. I don't think I'm old enough to die yet. Still, I had this overwhelming fear that someone was going to pop into the room with a gun and randomly shoot us down. Or maybe we would get into a hideous car accident when we drove home. Honestly I've been having those thoughts a lot lately. Like every time I leave the house.

So I'm quite certain I would never have survived those crucial last hours on that ship. There's the luck that I'm a female and thus would have a higher chance of getting on the life boats, but lets be honest: I would not be holding a first class ticket. I'd have second at best. There is the fact that people tend to take pity on me when I travel alone and thus am extended beyond my fair share of common curtesy, but I can't help think that that sort of gesture sort of goes out the window when life is at stake. 

So I began to meditate on how I would die, had I been on the ship. I'm not brave enough to succumb to death. The look in Captain and Mr. Andrews's eyes was such resignation. And really, there was nothing they could do. Of course I feel terrible for Mr. Andrews who told everyone that the extra lifeboats were needed, and now he was suffering for his peers' stupidity. I can't imagine that. I could never make the conscious decision to drown. I don't think I could jump or shoot myself either. I know a bullet to the head would be quickest, but I don't know if I could pull the trigger myself. Theres some gigantic character flaw in me that gives me ridiculous, unwarranted hope that something will save me. The ship would miraculously stay afloat or a life boat would materialize out of thin air. I strongly believe living is always the better option. I just don't have what it takes to die.

Universal Studios

Here - look at these or something.

Dr. Seuss World

     Marvel World     

 Cartoon World

Old

Being "an adult" really sucks sometimes. My conscious won't leave me alone regarding the childish nature of my current goal. Still, I don't want to give it up.

I think I like traveling so much for escapism purposes. When I'm in another country I don't have to worry about what I'm doing with my life because what I'm currently doing is pretty awesome. When I'm at home my future is staring me in the face. It is so big and so loud I just don't know what to do with it.