Worthless.

My desires out of life are beginning to change. I'm beginning to realize that it's not what I want to do with my life, but how I want my life to go that matters.

I hate talking about "My Life" as if it's some futuristic event that shall take place once I have all my affairs in order. I know that's not the case - that will never be the case - still, I can't help treat it as though it is. Because frankly, I still haven't become an adult. I suppose the magical moment in time when I Become An Adult is when My Life will officially begin. Or something.

Nevertheless, I'm realizing lately it's not the career or the family or location that I'm particular about. I'm beginning to take concern in how I'm treated and how I feel. I'm tired of being in environments where I'm constantly being demeaned and condescended. I know how smart I am and it gets extremely irritating having people gawk at me when I try to speak up. It's ridiculous. As a result, I've grown to loathe where I'm at. I find myself complaining on the regular and it's not fair. It's not fair to me or the people who constantly have to listen to it.

Furthermore, the work that I'm doing isn't extraordinary. It isn't even exceptional. It's been bothering me for a long time that I'm supporting a world I'm embarrassed by. There are a multitude of worthwhile things I could be doing with my time, and yet I'm not. And there are no excuses and I'm fully aware that it is I to blame for the predicament I'm in, but it's a lot easier to sit on the couch and watch a movie than confront my personal demons, you know?